اشترِك في نشرتنا الإخبارية
Are you seriously leaving your kids for three weeks? I hope your company is paying you well for that
20-09-2024 | 15:38
المصدر: النهار - Heba El Hakeem
It can be incredibly challenging for mothers to be separated from their children for an extended period. Balancing personal and professional aspirations with the responsibility of caring for our kids is a difficult task. As I consider being away from my children for three weeks, I am confronted with the conflict between pursuing my goals and fulfilling my parental duties—but am I seriously leaving my kids for three weeks?
Here is the story: the initial decision to travel.
One day, I received a notification: "Heba, our colleagues in Brazil are asking if you can join them for a job placement." While I travel a lot, I thought that spending one week in a new country I've never visited could be quite an exciting exposure to a new culture and an opportunity for mindset growth and innovation.
So, my reply was, "Yes, I can look at the offer."
The job placement offer required me to work in Brazil for at least three weeks to two months, which was manageable. When I mentioned to my friends and extended family that I was considering going on a three-week business trip, they asked me several questions: Are you seriously leaving your kids for three weeks? Are you highly paid for that? How will the kids accept this? Do you think they will miss you a lot?
I travelled and had a great time in Brazil. I met new people, made new friends, learned many new things about a culture and a country, and ate incredibly delicious food—all of which made me happy and satisfied. During this business trip, I read two books and started with the third one—Robin Sharma's 'The 5 AM Club'.
In his book, Robin Sharma writes, "The key is to avoid trouble creators. People who have grown up in an environment riddled with drama and nonstop problems will consciously and subconsciously recreate drama and nonstop problems … stay away from all drama queens and negativity kings."—I would add that it's best to stay away from anyone who is biased, especially against women.
Why did I write this article?
Although I had a great experience, I was disappointed with the questions. Would people ask my husband or any of my male friends the same questions if they travelled for business? I assume they wouldn't. They would advise them to extend their stay for one or two more weeks for a relaxing vacation.
Tese questions again brought to the surface my strong feelings against social pressure and gender bias. Interestingly, most of the questions about my travel plans and kids have come from women friends and family rather than men. This biased thinking will persist unless women begin to believe in themselves and support one another.
The societal pressure on women who work and have professional and financial ambitions is not okay. This pressure can take the form of questions from family and friends, significantly impacting women's decisions and actions. It's essential for people asking these questions to realize that they are exerting deliberate and unintended biased social pressure.
Some women may enjoy being mothers, but some don't and have never wanted to become mothers. Some women aim to prioritize their husband's happiness, but many others prioritize their own happiness and satisfaction. Some women enjoy cooking—I am certainly not one of them—while others do not know how to fry an egg—I certainly can fry an egg. We are diverse, and this is okay.
My message to all the women out there.
I will only answer these questions by saying I enjoyed my time abroad and learned a lot. I'm returning to my kids as a healthy and happy parent. Regarding payment, it's my own business. People must stop feeling entitled to ask others about money and salaries. Did my kids miss me? They did, indeed. But they also had one of the most exciting times with their dad and my family in Lebanon.
To all the women who reconsider their business trips and ambitions when faced with such questions: please remember that changes and decisions that might seem significant due to social pressure will, with time, become as normal as they should be.
Feel empowered to pursue your dreams and passions without limitations. Whether it's prioritizing your family or pursuing your career, there is no right or wrong choice. Women can make their own decisions without feeling constrained by societal expectations.
Respect all the women out there who choose to be stay-at-home mothers, all the women who do not want to have children, all the mothers who decide to prioritize their kids over their ambitions, and all the women who choose to focus on plastic surgery and high-end fashion. Respect everyone and stop societal pressure. I wish that people, including women, could be more mindful of their questions and approaches; because even if we decide to disregard these questions, they can still impact us —leading to blame ourselves.
When I travelled back home, my husband told me, "It was the best time [he] and my kids had spent together.'
Disclaimer: The names, locations, and certain details mentioned in this article have been altered to protect the privacy and security of individuals and entities involved.
